What is rejection? 

Rejection: (noun) The act of pushing someone or something away. To dismiss or refuse an idea. 

Rejection hurts. Whether it's from family, friends, co-workers, or a future employer, when we experience rejection it hits us right in the heart and can lead to a tide of emotions. 

Some prime examples of rejection include having negative feelings toward a particular movie or food, not getting the job you wished for, blocking out feelings for a certain person, or avoiding someone that you believe you don't want to be around. 

We may ask ourselves, "what is wrong with me?" We might even begin pulling ourselves apart with self-criticism and judgement eventually filling our minds with doubt.  We may begin to compare ourselves to others around us or on social media. However, rejection also has a way of teaching us, redirecting us, and ultimately making our lives better.

Are you currently experiencing rejection?  Here's my advice on how Rejection=Redirection and what we have to gain from rejection. 

1: Teaches Patience. 

96 percent of Americans will knowingly consume extremely hot food or drink that burns their mouth; 63 percent do so frequently. We can assume from this statistic that patience is something that most of us struggle with. 

Could it be from the instant gratification our cell phones and social media give us? Maybe it's due to a busy schedule or running late? Impatience may even come from having unrealistic or high expectations.  Whatever the reason is, it is apparent that most people struggle with patience. 

Rejection is just one of the many ways to redirect yourself and learn how to be tolerant. I understand, not landing that job with the company that you've invested a lot of time into by sending resumes, emails, and letters of recommendation to in addition with showing up for multiple interviews can be one of the worst rejections ever. The sad reality is that the bills and the collection agency don't care about your hurt feelings. They want their money regardless of your feelings or your financial situation which is why this type of rejection can be so brutal. 

 However, this is one time when rejection can actually help you by teaching you to be patient and keep moving forward. You may have heard of the quote " The comeback is always stronger than the setback." This is one of my favorite quotes and one that I believe to be true if you are willing to put in the work and have patience. Over time, you will be rewarded with a greater comeback than you could have ever imagined. You may not get what you want right away, but if you're willing to work hard and be patient, you will eventually find yourself where you want to be. 

2: Rejection gives us an opportunity to explore different paths.  

Rejection gives us an opportunity to explore different paths. You may be asking yourself, what does she mean by that or thinking " I know I am on the right path, no way would I consider different".  If this is your mindset, let me put this into perspective for you. Sometimes rejection is life's way of telling us we need to look at a different path to get where we want to be. Could there be a better way and we just haven't realized it yet? Maybe the path we're trying to take to get to our goals is completely wrong for us. Rejection can be a positive experience if you're willing to take another road or try a new way of achieving the same thing. 

I remember a handful of times I was rejected from friends and family who are no longer part of my life. I also remember a time when a guy I liked lead me on with NO intention of dating me. Oh and let's not forget the time that I could have sworn this company LOVED me and would hire me after the entire month long process was nearly complete. Let me tell you, from all of that rejection I was about to be redirected in ways I would have been blind to. 

I learned the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people no matter what. The friends and family that you choose to have in your life should be people who want to see you succeed and who lift you up. They should also be people you can be authentic around and happy. There should be no judgment or jealousy nor should there be any competition. From example number 2,  I learned that setting boundaries and looking for red flags early on when dating is actually super important. In fact, I like to think of dates as interviews. Essentially, I am interviewing this person ( and vice versa)  to see if we are compatible and if we match up well enough to become a team. Life scenario number 3 has taught me that I didn't receive that job I wanted  because the universe had something much better planned for me as I accepted an amazing job two weeks after I was rejected from that company I swore would hire me. So, my friends, keep moving forward, trust the redirection and explore different paths.

3: Forces us to reevaluate ourselves and our goals. 

Sometimes, we can develop a narrow outlook of ourselves and our aspirations. We focus on one goal, one person, or one dream-excluding everything else.  Rejection allows us time to pause and reassess our goals as well as what we are doing to achieve them. It is important to have an open mind and consider new ways of getting to the same goal. Planning your next goal can help with moving forward and staying optimistic. 

Many people deal with rejection negatively. Relax, this is a common response.  Rejection can be a painful experience and we all react to it differently. When someone hears the same thing over and over again, they generally start to believe it.  "You have great communication skills, but your problem solving skills are awful."  Or ( my most recent redirection that helped me to reevaluate myself). "You have a natural talent for writing, but you need to invest more time into your blog." These are two examples of rejection that can help us take a second look at our habits. In some cases, the reevaluation is necessary for our self-growth. In cases where the rejection is false judgement, it allows us to connect with ourselves mentally and say "Hey, they might think my problem solving skills suck, but I know they don't because XYZ." 

Connecting mentally when judgment is given can teach us how to stop associating rejection negatively. Hearing the feedback about my talent for writing was eye opening. I do realize now that in order to maximize my full potential, I need to spend more time writing, planning and dedicating my creativity to my talent and love for writing. Had I recently not been rejected and given that information, I may have never considered the truth I needed to hear. 

 From reassessment, we can brush up on skills we haven't quite mastered or learn new ones. Learning how to remake ourselves to be more goal-oriented and more people-oriented is a benefit of rejection. It is another type of redirection forcing us to reevaluate ourselves and our goals, taking a step in the right direction to a happier future. 

4: Makes us stronger.

Rejection can often feel like it brings us to a complete standstill, when in reality it gives us that extra boost to keep going and to overcome. People grow stronger when they are forced to cope with the unexpected or unwanted. So, although rejection is not ideal, there is something positive we can take from this experience.

Throughout my research, I found that emotional pain triggers the same pathways in the brain caused by physical pain. This may be why rejection hits our emotions so intensely. It can be beneficial to separate what happened to you by talking to yourself like you would a friend. If your friend got rejected, would you tell them that they were not good enough or undeserving? Probably not. Then why do we talk to ourselves in that way? 

 To add, rejection helps us by showing us just how determined, bright and talented we really are. When things don't go as planned, remember that this is a simple curve in the road. Most roads go straight, followed by a curve here and there and then ending with a straight road again.  In life, there will be times when we get stuck on that curve, that curve being rejection. Know that the rejection is redirection, and just like the road will eventually resume straight, so will this new life path too. Everything is going to work out and you will come out an even stronger person than before. Do not let rejection define you. Use this as fuel to to gain strength and become a stronger person, You are much stronger than you think. 

5: Gives an opportunity for growth.

Self-growth gives us an opportunity to be better than we were yesterday. It allows us to gain more knowledge - knowledge is power. In order to grow, we must get comfortable being uncomfortable. This means we must accept the fact that growth will move and shift us so much that the process could be uncomfortable. Change always has a way of making us feel out of place since it requires changing normal routines or habits. Trusting the process is essential during growth. 

I like to view rejection as getting outside of my comfort zone. Rejection means taking risks. Risks help us to understand more about who we are and where we want to go. Risks help us develop the intelligence to deal with the inevitable hardships life brings. If we never experience rejection, we are probably not taking many risks or making many changes. 

How many of you have ever wanted to do something but were scared to take the risk? I'm here to tell you that was once me too. I used to be so scared of failing or disappointing those around me that I was okay with just staying where I was in life. I felt like I was meant for more but didn't want to fail so I did nothing about it. I've always dreamed of having my own blog. I had this vision that it would be a happy place for me to write that I could enhance my writing and communication skills. It would be a place for me to motivate others and promote self-growth as well as a place I could share knowledge and personal experiences. 

After a few months of feeling like I was really limiting my potential by not writing or sharing, I took that leap of faith and started my blog. I expected to get minimal feedback or commentary. I most certainly did not expect to reach many people at all. 5 months in, I have had more of an impact than I could have ever imagined and I am so thankful for that.  I wouldn't be where I am today if I had never taken the risk and stopped worrying about rejection and failure. Use rejection as an opportunity for growth, you won't regret it. 

Throughout my life, I have learned to look at rejection with a new perspective. Many of my greatest blessings came out of what I perceived as rejection. I thought something great was being taken from me, when in reality I was just being redirected towards something better. Yes, there have been many painful experiences, but through the rejection I was able to enhance my life in many areas. Keep your dreams and goals alive! You have not been rejected, you have been redirected. Continue on your journey with the mindset that you have been delayed but not denied. Let your light shine and develop. Move forward in the direction of your wonderful dreams knowing that you will get to where you want to be. Let your rejection be redirection and live accordingly. What is meant for you, will not pass you by. 

xoxo 

Shelby